Most of the coming out, or identity 'realisation' stories we hear about and read on the internet are about younger people. This might make you feel like you’re expected to have your sexual orientation all figured out when you’re young. 

Your sexuality is the feeling of attraction (or no attraction) to other people. Sexuality is fluid, and informed by your feelings, behaviour, and self-identity, and can be shaped by experiences, people, and opportunities. While some people know their sexual identity and 'come out' early, there are many people who are not able to, or ready to come out until later in life. Often, people may have been in heterosexual relationships and not even realise until well into adulthood that that’s not where their true desires lie. 

No matter when you feel ready to come out, it’s never too late. It can feel very daunting exploring a new identity, and working out how to tell your closest circles, especially if you’re unsure if they’ll be supportive or not. You might feel alone and like you’re the only person who’s ever come out later in life. But remember, by being an adult, you have more control over how you manage this – and a quick internet search will show you that you’re not the only one coming out later in life. 

Coming out to yourself can open a whole world of possibilities, especially in the way you know yourself and navigate your world. It’s the beginning of a life that’s more authentic to your true self. It may even be the first time things feel like they really fit together in your life. There are also supports available, to assist you through this process. You might consider seeking the support of a counsellor, psychologist or sex therapist/sexologist, who can support you while you explore your shifting identity. 

If it feels right, you can begin to share with one or two key people that you believe will be supportive and move forward from there. There’s no right way to come out, you might like to tell people slowly, or to let everyone know all at once, or even feel like no announcement needs to be made at all. All of these options are completely okay. 

Understand that changing your dating and sexual landscape might feel different, especially if you’re now interacting with a body of the same sex compared to one of the opposite sex. Be gentle with yourself, and enjoy learning more about yourself and your sexual experiences.